What exactly is a Vision?

Vision is the act or power of anticipating that which will or may come to be; a vivid, imaginative conception or anticipation that is or has been seen.

What is the importance of a Vision?

There are two ways to get to an end result…

The first is to be pulled toward the result by being internally inspired. The other is to be pushed toward the result through external motivation. There is a huge difference between motivation and inspiration.

If you have a goal, and you want to complete it with all your heart, how hard is it for you to overcome procrastination, fear and challenges to reach that goal?

Or if you really do not care whether you get there or not, or worse if you are striving for someone else’s goal, how hard is it to overcome procrastination, fear and challenges? What makes the difference?

Having a clear vision of the end result is the most important step to success whether in business or personal growth. One of my favorite quotes is “start with the end in mind” by Stephen Covey for this exact reason. Vision brings inspiration! With inspiration you will now find stopping at the end of the day is hard, and you will want to begin as soon as possible in the morning. Procrastination disappears, fear falls away and challenges melt like butter!

Make it a top priority to define YOUR vision! At least, create a short term vision to use until the longer term vision becomes clearer. Work with a coach to discover your vision and gain clarity.

What is a Vision Board?

As a coach I absolutely love conducting Vision Board Workshops…best of all watching those dreams manifest into reality is awesome!

A Vision Board is a tool to help clarify, concentrate and maintain focus on a specific life goals that represent whatever you want to be, do or have in your life.

A vision board is quite literally a collage of pictures, phrases, poems and quotes that visually represent what you would like to experience in your life.

Vision Boards serve several purposes:

  • Identify your vision and give it clarity.
  • Reinforce your daily affirmations.
  • Keep your attention on your intentions.

Vision Boards Help Provide Clarity

To say “I want a better life” is a fine goal, but have you given serious thought to exactly what that means? Try to envision what your “better life” looks like. For those of us who find that somewhat difficult, making a vision board can be a tremendous help. In order to create your vision board, you must actively seek images that represent specific details of this wonderful new life you desire. That means narrowing it down to specifics. For some, a better life might mean having a new car or home. Others may be seeking a new relationship or improvements in existing relationships. Making a vision board is a wonderful way to bring clarity to that general desire and turn it into an achievable goal.

Use a Vision Board for Your Daily Affirmations

Once you dream it, the next step is to believe it. In addition to images, vision boards can include words, phrases or sentences that affirm your intentions. We must silence the “stinking thinking” that plagues us all. You know that little voice in your head that never shuts up, the one that supports and promotes all your limiting beliefs by repeating an endless litany of every shortcoming you could possibly have and every reason why you can’t or shouldn’t or won’t ever be, do or have what you really want. Affirmations are that little voice’s worst enemy. Affirmations express who you really are, release you from those limiting beliefs, and allow you to know that the possibilities really are unlimited.

A Vision Board Keeps you Focused

It isn’t difficult to start each day with a positive attitude – until you get out of bed. How quickly that fresh “new me” attitude can sink back into oblivion beneath the tasks and challenges of everyday life. How can you possibly remain focused on any goal while people and circumstances constantly pull you in dozens of directions at once? By using a vision board, of course! No matter what happens during your day, your vision board is a constant reminder of where you intend to be. Appealing to you on both conscious and subconscious levels, a vision board can work wonders toward keeping your mind focused on your goal, your attention on your intentions, and your life headed in the direction you choose.


smAngryCoupleFor those of us who try to be forgiving when people hurt our feelings, we hit a brick wall when they are not sorry. How do you forgive someone who is not sorry for what he or she has done?

Forgiveness requires that both parties recognize that damage was done by one of them to the other’s feelings, physical or mental wellbeing, or property. The next step is usually for the person who did the damage to apologize sincerely and offer to make amends. The injured party then accepts the apology and forgives. Finally, there is a healing of the relationship. Often, that relationship becomes even stronger because the person who did the damage understands better what matters to the other person. At the same time, the injured person experiences a form of healing through forgiveness and re-acceptance.

Unfortunately, this textbook version of forgiveness does not always fit reality. Your relationship is at a real standstill if your friend or relative in this case doesn’t believe he or she did anything wrong, or just doesn’t care. This is when you have to stop trying to fix the other person and concentrate on fixing yourself.

When someone makes a careless comment that disregards your feelings and perspective, it hurts. You are angry and frustrated, maybe even embarrassed, especially if the comment was made in front of other people you care about. Maybe the situation didn’t allow you to respond back the way you would have liked. So now everyone else thinks you agree with that person’s assessment of you.

You were wronged, and because the other person won’t apologize, it affects more than your feelings and reputation. The damage goes deep inside you. You may start feeling less worthy as a person, and less capable of defending yourself the next time around.

When you are wronged and can’t resolve things right away, you also go through actual physical changes in your body. The stress directly affects your muscular-skeletal system, stiffening your muscles, triggering backaches and headaches. It may even cause you to unconsciously clench your teeth. You could experience stomach upset and trouble sleeping. Stress hormones like cortisol are released into your bloodstream, making you quick to lose your temper, raising your blood pressure, and putting you at higher risk of cardiac problems.

You may not be able to fix the situation right away; you can’t change or fix the other person, but you CAN fix yourself! You can determine how you will respond to this seemingly impossible situation. It is not worth risking your emotional and physical health all because your friend or relative is acting immaturely. Instead, you can heal the damage you suffered by forgiving the person who wronged you. Did you know that when you can finally forgive, your body’s unhealthy responses to stress actually start to reverse themselves? Forgiveness is a reset button for your physical and emotional health.

If the person who hurt you did it unintentionally and doesn’t realize how insensitive they were, bring it up in the next day or so to let them know what they did. Preface your comments with something like, “I know you didn’t mean it, but what you said really hurt me….” If they are a good friend or loving relative, they will probably apologize on the spot. Presto…Forgiveness!

If you bring it up and you are shrugged off or belittled for being upset, then throw the ball back into they’re court by saying, “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way. I thought our relationship meant more to you than that. Friends make it a point to know what matters to the other person. As far as I am concerned, you still owe me an apology.” Then adapt whichever of the following responses fits your personal situation:

  • “But, whether you apologize to me or not, I am forgiving you. Maybe it will be important to you to restore our friendship sometime down the road. Right now, I’m fine, but I will miss our great times together.”
  • “But, whether you apologize to me or not, I am forgiving you. It’s not worth it to me to be upset over this. It doesn’t change what you did. Forgiving you just lets me get my life back in balance, and that’s what’s important. You decide what you want to do next.”

Forgiving someone who won’t say they are sorry will have a positive effect on you. You aren’t letting the other person off the hook; you are just freeing yourself from the guilt of not being able to make them apologize. It also frees you to go on with your life and continue having a functioning relationship with them. It just won’t be a trusting relationship until they act to restore it.

Forgiving someone who won’t say they are sorry will have a positive effect on them, as well—although probably not immediately. To understand how that can happen, we can refer to one of the best psychology books in the world, the Bible. One bit of advice from Proverbs makes me grin every time. The author uses the word “enemy” to refer to an adversary, or anyone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart. He said, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. In doing so, you will heap coals of fire on his head.” This reminds me of the old cartoons where the character becomes so angry that steam shoots out of his ears. When we act kindly toward people who have wronged us, we confuse, anger, and annoy them—all because they can’t figure us out. They can’t imagine why we would return their cruelty with gentleness. But, we are secretly setting in motion a tiny miracle. They can’t help but be affected by our unexpected response. Little by little, their attitudes and behavior will change for the better.

Although the Proverbs verse did not mention forgiveness, you will need a forgiving spirit to follow this advice. Whenever someone wrongs you and you do not strike back in the same tone, this is a form of forgiveness. Make a conscious choice to forgive when others hurt you. It is better if you can forgive that person to his or her face. This will start the healing sooner, and you may be able to rebuild your relationship. If you can’t quite bring yourself to approach your injurer quite yet, at least forgive him in your own thoughts and prayers. That way, you fix yourself by triggering your own healing most importantly.

Is it possible for a MARRIAGE to survive INFIDELITY?

can-a-marriage-survive-infidelity1-731x365Have you ever had an affair? OR maybe you are on the flip side of that coin and have had a spouse or significant other who had an affair.

The semantics of who did what and why aren’t so much important for this topic of discussion. Now wait a minute, I can hear your thoughts:-) I’m not saying that the who, why, when, and etc. are not important. They are. However, the most important question to answer is can your marriage/relationship survive infidelity? Infidelity is a very harsh fact of many lives and it’s one of the hardest to overcome…trust me, I have the shirt to prove it!

Can you? Is it really possible? Yes indeed but let me say this, easier said than done!

ASK YOURSELF: do you want to survive it? Not just the “you” who is reading this but rather “you” refers to the couple you. That brings to mind an old song you may have heard of, “It Takes Two Baby.” The point here is, yes, you can survive a partners’ infidelity or even both partners, IF you want to AND you are willing to put in the blood, sweat, and tears to do it. Blood is only figurative here, not literal, by the way…for my anger management readers
HANDLE YOUR BUSINESS: as we get down to the nuts and bolts of it. You (as a couple) have taken the first step and decided TOGETHER you both want to survive. You want your relationship to come out of this thriving. You want to show the world that it is possible for a marriage to survive infidelity. You want to prove that love, forgiveness, and persistence can make you better, stronger, and more in love in the long run. So, how do you do that, right?

WHO ME? Your next step, after deciding together you want to stay a couple, is to realize you are both to blame…yeah I said it! This didn’t just happen. Things like this occur because there’s damage of some kind. Something was not right in the marriage/relationship. Maybe you quit talking. Maybe priorities got mixed up. Maybe you forgot to say “I love you.”

Well, here’s the good news. Your marriage can survive infidelity. I know this to be true, mine did and yours can too! You just need to commit to one another that you will do whatever it takes. Commit to one another that you will not blame. You will be honest with each other and yourselves. Vow today to recommit to your vows and you will survive. Remember though, you must love unconditionally and you will not only survive but rather thrive!


Happy-Woman-Arms-RaisedSurviving the First 30 Days After an Affair
Wow, so you’ve just found out that your spouse/significant other has been unfaithful. They or you (depending on which party is reading this) screwed around on the other one. Yep, that’s kind of a harsh way to put it, but it’s kind of a harsh reality to slap someone in the face with too.
Now what? What do you do? How do you go on without allowing infidelity to destroy you as a person and as a couple? Want to know the “secret”? One day at a time.
We’re going to break it down into increments. The first 30 days prove to be quite difficult because you have to go through many transitions during this time.
Phase 1 = Shock
Have you ever seen shock on the face of someone in a horror movie? Well magnify that expression times twenty for me! Yes, that was my face and the face of many women when they find out the man of their dreams has been unfaithful. This phase is accompanied by enormous amounts of anger, tears, and likely to be packed with tons of various emotions. The emotional roll coaster is very real…trust me I know! Please know that it is normal and totally okay. This is an emotional topic. You will both have plenty to say; being mindful some things need to be said while others might not be advantageous to one another or the relationship. However, know this is all part of the healing. Just remember that you love each other and hold onto that love!

Phase 2 = Aftershock
The next phase will be aftershock. As the recipient of the infidelity, you will likely go numb. You will cry some more. You will want to point fingers and blame, but that’s where I caution you to be careful. Yes, they messed around on you, but you are likely to be to blame as well. When a relationship suffers through an affair, it’s usually because there are underlying problems that need to be dealt with.
Phase 3 = Initial Healing
Healing will likely be the third phase. Regardless what you hear there is no “right” amount of time to pass through each phase, this one included. Healing will occur fastest with lots of honesty, talking, hugs, kisses, forgiveness, and commitment. If you want to survive it and make it through the first 30 days and beyond, you MUST forgive. Bitterness will only harbor resentment and you will never make it nor move the relationship forward.
Phase 4 = Growth
Growth is the final phase of recovery. This may last a lifetime. This is where you take what you’ve learned through shock, aftershock, healing, and growth and continue to put it all together to get better, bigger, and stronger. Oh yeah…..and more in love.


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